Having a child changes you. It especially changes how you make decisions. The way I make decisions have absolutely changed since I gave birth to my son. Before Mason if I woke up in the morning too tired to go to work well, I just didn’t go. If I didn’t want to pay a credit card bill, I just didn’t pay it. And if I wanted to stay out all night drinking and partying with friends, damn it! I did it! Of little concern to me was what the results of my decision would be. I’d be the only one impacted by them, anyway. My decisions affected no one else but me. If I lost my job, so what? I’d just get a new one. If I got reported to collections and my credit score went down, so what? It wouldn’t be the first time. And if I woke up with a terrible hangover, so what? Perfect excuse to stay home and sleep all day.
I must have pressed the snooze button three times before I officially got up for work this morning. I needed more sleep. The last thing I wanted to do was to go to work but then I remembered my drive home with Mason last night.
We had just left a friend’s house. It must have been close to ten o’clock at night. Way past Mason’s bedtime. He was tired and cranky. Imagine feeling that way and having to ride home in a rear-facing infant seat inside a low-lit car. Oh, the cruelties that babies must endure! I hate it when he cries while I’m driving. It makes me so nervous and there’s not much I can do for him while I’m driving. I extended my right arm to the back seat and offered him my hand. His chubby little fingers quickly grabbed tight hold of mine and his cries were instantly hushed. I drove the rest of the way home like this. One hand on the steering wheel and the other behind me held captive by his small needy hands. He fell asleep this way.
That memory came to me this morning when I considered for a moment not going in to work today. This boy needs me. He relies on me to keep him safe…to keep him fed…to keep him healthy. I can’t chance losing my job.
He relies on me. Wow. And with that, I immediately got my lazy a$$ out of bed and started to get ready for work.
Single mommingly yours, M.